Be a Barracuda

Finding your way through the Valley of the (Deadly) Dolls

I have a classically gay love for The Valley of the Dolls, and I often think of the Helen Lawson character when faced with tough times, and is this ever a tough time. Since our last planetary roundup, much of what I saw as problematic has, unfortunately, become problematic, and in many ways, the heavens remain a cosmic dumpster fire.

For those who are new to Profanum’s paid-subscriber content, we’ll indulge a monthly Vedic astrology check-in, and I encourage you to read the first few paragraphs of this post to help you understand the differences between Jyotish, the Sanskrit name for Hindu astrology, and the western system most of us grew up with.

Perhaps the biggest news in the celestial realm is that Saturn and Rahu are within one degree of each other.

Not cute.

I’m not sure what gym Rahu is going to, but I’m here for it.

Rahu is one of the eclipse points in the earth’s orbit and is a demon of the Hindu astrological system. The devils of Hinduism are not the same as their infernal Christian cousins. No one is forever evil. No one is forever damned. The demons can be incredible devotees of the divine, although they often attempt (and succeed in) their spiritual austerities for personal gain and power.

Rahu is that part of us, individually and collectively, that doesn’t have an off-button. Unlike my last post about finding contentment, about knowing when enough is enough, Rahu is never satisfied, and where he shows up in a chart tells us where our obsessive and self-destructive dissatisfaction can be found (to know more about your personal astrology, drop me a line and we’ll do a reading). Rahu is also brilliant, but an exile, some would say a criminal. Because he’s a demon, and a rather scary one, he poisons us with fear, anxiety, and also a lust for fame (hello, social media with its narcissism and hopes for going viral or becoming an “influencer”). He’s the patron planet of our technological age, of robots, of heartless advancement.

Saturn as photographed by the Webb telescope. Isn’t he handsome?

Saturn is the biggest malefic around, and people in India dread his influence. In fact, so forceful is this planet that he brings down one of the most powerful demon kings in Indian mythology, Ravana, the foe of Rama. Ravana conquers all the worlds, enslaving thousands, rousting the gods from their heaven, perverting all notions of justice to a demonic one (although many say he wasn’t a bad guy at all – more on that in our next mythology post). He even wrenched the planets from their courses and chained them face-down on the stairs to his throne so he can step on each one every time he takes his seat.

One day, a wandering mystic and Vishnu-devotee Narada visits the court. The wily sage plays songs on his vina and fawns over Ravana’s accomplishments, before he leans conspiratorially toward the lord of all creation.